كلمات متشابهة
 

for my money
informal
in my opinion
in my book
in my opinion

شكرا علي المجهود علي اي حال

هل لك في المزاح بالانجليزية؟؟؟؟؟؟؟
 

هههههههههههههههههههههههههههههههههههههه

ظريفه جدا

هذا هو مستر جاويش كما عهدناه خفة ظل ،فكر عالى وتواضع جم

so nice mr beautiful
sorry mr.gamil(im just kidding)
دامت محبتنا

wonderful ,thanks

شكرا لك اخي علي تلك الابتسامة

thanx Mr. basquit sorry i mean al-shamedaan

it's just a joke

شكرا جزيلا

Here are some jokes playing with the language. See if you can understand the answers. If not, at the end you have the explanations.
1- Did you hear about the blind carpenter who picked up his hammer and saw?

2- Did you hear about the deaf shepherd who gathered his flock and heard?

3- Q: What does a ghost eat for dessert?
A: I scream.

4- The teacher says: Today, we're going to talk about the tenses. Now, if I say "I am beautiful," which tense is it?
The student says: Obviously it's the past tense.

5- A: Hey, man! Please call me a taxi.
B: Yes, sir. You are a taxi.

6- Q: Why is the number six afraid?
A: Because seven eight nine

7- Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?
He's all right now.

8- What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall?
"Dam".

9- A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.

10- I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
1-
BLIND= A blind person is someone who can’t see.
HAMMER= A tool used by carpenters to hit nails.
SAW= A tool used by carpenters to cut wood.
The pun of this joke is the word SAW, it is a tool and it is also the past tense of the verb “to see”, so we can read the sentence with two different meanings.

2-
DEAF= A deaf person is someone who can’t hear.
SHEPHERD= A person who takes care of sheep and walks them around in the country.
GATHER= Bring together.
FLOCK= A group of sheep.
HEARD= This is the pun of the joke, because HEARD is the past tense of the verb “to hear”, but it sounds the same as HERD, which is a group of animals of the same kind that go together (in this case, a flock of sheep), so again, you can listen to the joke and give two different meanings to the last sentence.

3-
I SCREAM means “I shout”. People scream when they are in terror (very afraid), so if you see a ghost (the spirit of a dead person) you scream. But the pronunciation of I SCREAM is the same as ICE-CREAM.

4-
THE PAST TENSE of the verb “to be” is “I was, you were, etc”. The sentence “I am beautiful” is present tense, but in this joke the teacher must be very ugly, so if she says “I am beautiful” it has to be a “past tense” (she was beautiful), because that sentence would be wrong in the present.

5-
TO CALL A TAXI means to make a motion for a taxi to stop, or to phone a taxi. But the verb TO CALL also means to say something to someone, so “he called me stupid” means “he said: you are stupid”.

6-
If you pronounce 7 8 9, it sounds the same as SEVEN ATE NINE (ate is the past tense of “to eat”), so the number 6 doesn’t want to be eaten by 7, that’s why it is afraid!

7-
GUY (coll. AmE)= man.
CAR CRASH= A car accident.
HE’S ALL RIGHT means “he’s ok”, but if we think of its literal meaning, “he’s all right” means “all of his body is right, because the left part of his body was destroyed in the accident”.

8-
A DAM is a big concrete wall, an artificial barrier built to stop a river and make an artificial lake (a reservoir). If a fish in a river hits a concrete wall, it probably is a dam, so the fish identification is correct.

But the word DAM sounds the same as the exclamation DAMN! which is a curse word (a bad word children shouldn’t say) that people say when something goes wrong and they don’t like it, used to express anger, irritation, contempt, or disappointment. So when the fish hit the wall and hurt itself, it exclaimed “damn!”

9-
ON ITS OWN means “alone” or “without help”. The pun here is the phrase “TWO TIRED”. If a person is TOO TIRED they can’t stand, they have to sit down. A bicycle doesn’t get tired, but it can’t stand alone because it has only two wheels (a car has 4 wheels and it can stand). The wheels of a bicycle have a metallic ring and a rubber thing around it filled with air. That rubber part is called a TYRE, so a bicycle has TWO TYRES, that is, two wheels. And we can build an adjective using this construction:
NUMBER + NOUN + -ED
So we can say:
- a one-eyed man (a man with just one eye).
- a three-legged dog (a dog with only three legs).
- a six-headed monster (a monster with three heads).
And, of course, a bicycle is A TWO-TYRED BICYCLE because it has two tyres.

10-
TO WONDER= To be curious about something. You don’t know it but you want to know and think about it.
BASEBALL= The game is “baseball”, but the ball we use in that game is also called a “baseball”. We can also talk about a football (the ball we use to play football), etc.
HIT= past participle of the verb “to hit” (hit-hit-hit), to impact, to strike.
If someone hits a baseball and the ball comes right to you, you see it getting bigger, because as it is nearer you see it bigger. So this ball was going to hit the man (or woman) and he didn’t know what was happening (he was wondering). Then, the ball finally hit him.
The pun here is the expression IT HIT ME, which means “after thinking about something I couldn’t understand, I finally found the explanation and could understand him”. So here we’ve got both meanings at the same time: when the ball hit him he could understand why the ball was getting bigger.
http://www.multimedia-english.com/ht...u-get-it-2.htm

1- If you took 3 apples from a basket that held 12 apples, how many apples would you have?

3 !!!

2- Why did the bald man paint rabbits on his head?

Because from a distance they looked like hares!

3- What's the difference between capitalism and communism?

Under capitalism, Man exploits Man. Under communism, it is exactly the opposite.

4- How do you count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.

5- Why do cows have bells?

Because their horns don't work!

6- Why was the crab sent to prison?

Because he kept pinching things!

7- Why did the Cyclops stop teaching?

Because he only had one pupil!

8- What do you call a foreign object in a chip pan?

An unidentified frying object!

9- Why do bees hum?

Because they don't know the words!

10- What animal can jump higher than a house?


A house can't jump!
1- In maths at school, a typical problem would be: "if you have 10 apples in a basket and you take away 3, how many apples have you got?", and the answer would be "7" (10-3=7). But this joke is using pure logic to defy the conventional answer. If a basket holds 12 apples and you take 3 apples from the basket, you have 3 apples! (besides, nobody said the basket is yours).
2- The key word here is HARES. A hare is a wild animal similar to a rabbit, but they are thinner and run faster. The word HARE is pronounced the same as HAIR (they both rhyme with CHAIR). A BALD man is a man with no hair on his head.
3- I suppose you have no problems to understand this joke, but I'll explain it anyway. The opposite of "John kills Pete" is "Pete kills John" (excuse the example); but the opposite of "man exploits man" is "man exploits man", so this joke means that many people are exploited no matter what economical system they live in, it's all the same. To exploit a person means to take advantage of a person or situation for one's own ends (poor people work a lot and rich people get the benefits).
4- CATTLE is cows, bulls and oxen (a bull is a male cow and an oxen is a castrated bull). A HERD of sheep is a group of sheep that live together (a shepherd takes care of them). A herd of cattle is a group of cattle that live together (a cowboy takes care of them). A COWCULATOR is not a real word, but it obviously means "a calculator to count cows".
5- Cows that are often in the fields have a bell hanging from their necks so that you can hear them in the distance when they move. A cow has two HORNS on their head (they are hard and pointed, similar to bones). In the old times, people used animal horns to make something like a trumpet, if you blow it, it makes a loud sound. That is why today we use the word "horn" for the device in a car that makes a loud warning sound. For example, if you are driving down the street and another car gets on your way, you sound the horn to avoid crashing. So, if you sound the horn and no sound comes out, the horn is not working.
6- a CRAB is a crustacean that lives by the coast, has a hard shell and people say they walk backwards (in fact they walk sideways). These animals have six legs and two big pinches to defend themselves. TO PINCH is to squeeze between your thumb and finger, but for crabs, it is to squeeze using their pinches. In slang, to pinch is to steal, so if you pinch, you go to prison.
7- a CYCLOPS (plural: cyclopes) is a mythical god from Greece who is a giant and has only one eye (the most famous cyclops is Polyphemus, who was blinded by Ulysses). The little black circle in the middle of the eye is called PUPIL, so if a cyclops has only one eye, he only has one pupil, but a pupil is also a formal word that means "a student".
8- A CHIP PAN is a deep-sided cooking pan used for deep-frying (you fill it with oil and then put things inside to fry them). Chip pans are named for their traditional use in frying chips. A "frying object" is an object that is frying, but we automatically think of "an Unidentified Flying Object", that is, a UFO (usually thought to be an alien spaceship).
9- A BEE is the insect that makes honey and wax for candles (they can hurt you if they sting you). The buzzing sound they make when they fly is "to hum", but "to hum" is also to produce a tune (a song) without opening the lips or forming words. So if you want to sing a song but you don't know the words, you hum.
10- True, a house can't jump, so the question "what animal can jump higher than a house?" makes no sense, since all the animals can jump higher than a house http://www.multimedia-english.com/pi...ni/winking.gif.
The other meaning of this question (the first meaning you think) is: if a house is 10 metres high, to jump higher than a house is to jump more than 10 metres.